In my dreams- Why Ussain Bolt preferred RCB over MI !

Yesterday I was surfing through net and suddenly came across this news.

ANI report said “Ahead of IPL Ussain Bolt , the fastest man on earth has posted photo of himself with RCB jersey on tweeter giving his support to RCB. Bolt and Kohli are associated with the global sportswear brand Puma which has announced long term partnership with RCB as official kit partner”

I was quite surprised obviously ! Why should Bolt promote RCB? Does Bolt know anything about cricket? Does he know who Kohli is? Why Mumbai Indians could not make him wear MI TSHIRT?

I had just come home jogging with my some Indian local footpath brand shoes and was quite tired and slept off.

As usual my dream carried forward my thoughts before sleeping. I was surprised to see Ussain Bolt jogging alongside me with his Puma shoes on Wankhede stadium.

The life time experience of talking to Ussain would definitely make you feel jealous of me at least for few moments,,,,

Me- Hi Ussain…I saw you from back and I thought RCB has hired some new player .

Ussain Bolt (UB)- Oh yea..I am as good as  new player of RCB.

Me- Are you their running coach? But you jog so slow.

UB- I am actually walking at speed of 40 Km per hour man. You don’t worry, you keep your pace, I will keep mine. And I am not their running coach nor running between the wicket coach. They already have contacted Inzamam Ul Haq for the post.

Me- Ussain but why are your wearing RCB T-shirt? Do you know what  RCB stands for?

UB- Yes it’s a team that has greatest stars and biggest scars .

Me- But why you are promoting such a non-performer?

UB- I am contracted and I get huge money for that just for wearing  the T-shirt.

Me- But you would have been happier if you had approached by MI’s Big Bhai. He would have given you ten times more money and much more. He would have given you even high value shares, he would have kept you in his five star hospital room whenever you needed, he would have given you his own aircraft for flying anywhere in the world and also unlimited high speed data for you mobile.

UB- Yes my agent spoke to him and he was ready to pay me twenty times more money, ten thousand GB data per day and much more. But he had some crazy terms and conditions.

Me-What were the terms ?

UB-You can Guess !

Me- You have to wear the jersey with their  Logo and then may be you have to sit in a dug out under hot son of April and May and may be you have to dance, shout and scream after each IPL victory and may be you have to chat with their cute little heavy sons . All these things are so simple, if you get so much more money. Even our great legend cricketers do all that,

UB-All that is ok but his one condition was not digestible as my digestive power is quite weak and not as strong  as that of some great Indian cricketers.

Me- What UB? (I was curious)

UB- (He took out the mobile and showed me photos of marriage functions of Big Bhai’s kids)

Me- Oh you mean you have to attend all the marriages in their family as guest?

UB- I not only have to attend marriages but …(and Ussain suddenly fell down as he was feeling dehydrated in Indian Summer).

Me- UB get up . Do you need some energy drink? ( I gave him the energy drink bottle I was carrying ) Cool down UB you are my guest I will give  you some sandwiches and potato chips  also, but tell me what was that condition that made you reject the offer of Mumbai Indians?

UB- (Got  up slowly sipped the drink) The same thing you did just now to me as guest . I was told I have to make the marriage guests happy, just like your top cricketers and top bollywood stars do in MI owners marriage party. I have to serve the guest all the beverages and food as if I am part of the family.

Me- What??? Then you may be right UB and moreover when you are promoting RCB you can pack up early as you do not have to wait and do promotions till play offs…..(UB was about to give a Chriss Gayle like clap to me but I was unlucky as my alarm clock shouted …wake up man ! I woke up as I had to finish all my work prepare a small drink and sit in front of TV before IPL’s first match)

A satirical blog from Aju Deshpande

Feature Image by Prakash Parsekar

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