CRICKET WITH MAMA PANWALA- By AJU DESHPANDE
During my weekly visit to Pan shop yesterday, I had some interesting cricketing debate with Mama Panwala. It made my tobacco less Poona Masala Pan taste like Banarasi masala . It went some what like this….
Mama– Aju Bhai, Pan Mitha ke Sadha ? (Sweet or simple )
Me– Make mitha (sweet) only Mama.
Mama– Tell me one thing Aju Bahi, who will win contract for coaching India’s Cricket team?
Me– Do you know who has applied for this most prestigious post next to the post of President and PM of India?
Mama– Some four future-ex-coaches have applied, I heard.
Me– Achrekar Sir has applied?
Mama– No, he has become very old now and as such he has coached Sachin, must be a tired man now as he has been giving him high catching practice for so many years.
Me- Then who all have applied Mama?
Mama- One of them is a great leg spinner Anil Bhai, who has taken 600 plus wickets in Tests and now ready to coach Indian bowlers so that they can take at least sixty wickets each in their entire career .
Me- But he can’t get the coveted post for sure, as per media reports he has already fought with Indian cricket’s most powerfully dynamic, handsomely strong and angrily fittest player, one and only Virat. Any way ! who else has applied for the coach job?
Mama- One Mr. Doda Ganesh has applied Aju Bhai.
Me- Oh! That fast bowler who has played 4 tests and taken more wickets than Hardik Pandya . It’s interesting, he has good chance to coach India . But you must appreciate my knowledge that I know that any such cricketer existed and that too without surfing Google as my free Jio net has expired and now I am neither having Jio or nor Voda . Coming to our discussion, who else has applied for Coaching assignment Mama?
Mama– Lalchand Rajpoot, Aju Bhai. He was the star batsman of Mumbai, is a coach of Mumbai now and has played two test matches and can teach Virat some patience and help him change his image from hot looking shola to cool cool thanda thanda cola .
Me- It’s not possible to change Kohli, Mama. Virat is Virat and he will remain angry young man till he becomes as old as Amitabh and converts intentionally into modest looking man. Who is next candidate for coach job Mama?
Mama– Next candidate is current tweeter fame, master blaster cum blaster master of Indian Cricket , most famous opener , earlier baldy but now having thick front head hair also a humorous man of Indian cricket.
Me- Is it Sunil Gavaskar?
Mama– No Aju Bhai. Sunil Gavaskar never was bald, had thick hair and never implanted hair on head.
Me– Then who Aju Bhai? Is it Krish Shrikant ?
Mama– He has, had and will have thick hair and is never active on tweeter.
Me- Then it must be Gutam Gambhir.
Mama– Gambhir is still a serious player and has not retired, though the conditions are favorable for him to retire. And he is very close to Shah Rukh also being KKR captain, so could get some acting contract in Shah Rukh film on cricket if at all it is made.
Me– Then who Mama? I am unable to guess. If you make one more nice pan I may be able to tell.
Mama– Aju Bhai I have lost all the respect about your cricketing knowledge. One final clue I am giving. He has applied for post of India coach on a piece of paper smaller than a cigarette pack wrapping and wrote on it his CV in two lines and given to BCCI .
Me– I can’t guess Mama who is this man?, my mind is not working after Pakistan won against South Africa and India lost against Srilanka yesterday. You please tell me, I am very eager to know who is this man who has applied for coach job in just one line. Even I applied for my first job worth salary of Rs.450 PM with four page CV. How can someone apply with one line for ten crore CTC ?
Mama– Aju Bhai, Shame on you. Virendra Sehwag is the man who has applied with one line “I am Virender Sehwag, mentor of Kings XI Punjab and I have played with all current players”
Me– After all he is Veeru and I agree with him, why he should write a CV ! CV is meant for ordinary guys like us , who have not even played first class cricket but talk as if scored ten thousand runs in Test Cricket. Suppose a producer of a Film asks Amitabh Bachchan to submit CV for casting him in his film, will Bachchan submit CV ? He might just write three simple words on producers face “Main Hu Don”.
Mama– My second Pan has worked, you said it, Aju Bhai, but please tell me will Veeru get selected as coach?
Me– It’s OK if you forget who is President of USA but one universal law you shouldn’t forget that “ all is fair in Love, War and Cricket ”.
Mama- In Love and War all is fair but in cricket everything is looking unfair. What Say Aju Bhai !