Cricket with Mama Panwala- Aju Deshpande

CRICKET WITH MAMA PANWALA

During my weekly visit to Pan shop yesterday, I had some interesting cricketing debate with Mama Panwala. It made my tobacco less Poona Masala Pan taste like Banarasi masala . It went some what like this….

Mama–  Aju Bhai Pan Mitha ke Sadha ? (Sweet or simple )

Me–  Make mitha (sweet) only Mama.

Mama– Tell me one thing Aju Bahi, who will win India Pakistan war?

Me– Obviously one and only India.

Mama– I am not talking about actual war  on borders, Aju Bhai !

Me–  I am also not talking about actual war Mama!

Mama–  Then what are you talking about?

Me–  Obviously no guessing required Mama, there is only one war in every Indian’s mind today.

Mama– Are you talking about the war in Kashmir?

Me-  No. Mama. In Kashmir there is no war at all. It is stone age war.

Mama- Stone age war?

Me- I mean stone pelting war, Mama.

Mama-  Let me come to the point. The real big war, that is cricket war between Indian and Pakistan is on 4th June.

Me-  Oh! But Mama  Cricket war between India and Pakistan was real war when Imran Khan was in charge, now it is not  real war, only like a small border firing.

Mama– Why Aju Bhai? It is still hard fought battle with every player carrying AK—57 in form of a bat and bomb in form of a ball.

Me- Mama you are making a big mistake. When Imran khan was captain of Pakistan, it was tough nail biting battle. Actually many of our players like Mohinder, Kapil started biting nails and later Ganguly also learnt the skill from them. Imran was ultimately a super man, a super captain, a super handsome hero as well. He could have also  become super PM of Pakistan, if he had consulted our leader Modi ji .

Mama– Yes Aju Bhai. And he had in his cricket team, dashing tapori  Javed  Miandad, sharp shooter Akram, speed gun Waqar, dancing deceiver  Abdul Quadir and master blaster, now a microphone blaster, I mean commentator Rameez Raja.

Me- Mama, So that is why I say , it was a battle of giants and real war without guns and bombs.

Mama–  But now also Pakistan are good team. They have some good bowlers who can bowl on the spot and good batsmen.

Me– You mean Spot fixers ?

Mama– They were Mama, now they are not. I am mainly talking about their two stalwarts.

Mama– Misbah and Younis Khan?

Me–  Mama your brain is full of pan masala . Please take a non-china made new six GB  RAM and insert in your brain.

Mama– Why Aju Bhai? Are these two players not greats?

Me– Mama, they are but they have retired from all forms of cricket in spite of being in good form. May be they will make comebacks many more times again till they are caught  into some controversy.

Mama–  Sorry Aju bhai. But they still have Shoaib Malik.

Me– Mama, His wife Sania is a true Indian, who has never spoken about any intolerance till date, so probably Shoaib will not like to taste her tolerance by playing well against India.

Mama–  Aju Bhai, media is shouting day and night . Come watch India Pakistan war live on TV on 4th June Sunday.

Me– Mama not only media, everybody is shouting. Even my wife is shouting, my son is shouting, my maid is shouting, my boss is shouting. Yesterday our neighbor got up in the mid-night and went around whole colony shouting war is coming war is coming sit at home this Sunday, 3 O’clock.

Mama– They are right Aju Bhai, even my customers are asking me to  pack hundreds of Pan Masala Pouches and Cigarettes for Sunday as they don’t want to come out of house.

Me– So this war is good for us, it is good for our family, our whole nation, it will surely increase our GDP by two percent, employment by 3 percent and per capita income also likely to rise by ten percent taking into account players raised income of two hundred percent.

Mama–  But Aju Bhai, my question is who will burst crackers? Indian fans or Pakistani fans?, at the end of the match, I mean war!

Me– Very simple Mama, if India wins, Indian fans in India and if Pakistan wins Pakistani fans in India.

Mama- You mean those highly intelligent intellectuals who support stone pelters in Kashmir?

Me- They will not burn crackers, they will distribute Mama! They have already started a cracker factory.

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